Fear abounds
A new connection sounds

I can’t contain it
New life emerges
I can’t abstain it

You’ve moved on since I left
Two husbands and
more lovers
That you’ve bereft

I’d drive to see you in person
The law says, “no way”
I would walk to see you
But it’s too far away

Another man woos you
As I’m legally tested
He is closer to you
In location, I am bested

But I am the one
who loves you outright
I will never falter
I’ll never take to flight

Romantically, I
In the state we are in
Will always love you
Will always give in

I’ll do what I can
I’ll always be yours
No matter what
Your mind will implore

My heart belongs to you
Forever and again
And against you
I will never sin

Your beauty abounds
Both without and within
With you in my heart
No love is akin

I’ll love you until
The end of time occurs
My heart is yours
Until the end of time spurs

The next universe to be.

Then I shall be in wait
Until it should be
That you and I
Shall each other again see

Math, the universe,
And science agree
That maybe,
We weren’t meant to be

But I believe that
Love can beat all
And a foretold occurrence
Can beat all

I believe that
True love can endure
Even if science
Thinks it isn’t pure

If I could choose
A Queen by my side
There is no question
By you I would abide

A crown you’d receive
And deservedly so
You’d rule in a kingdom
So apropos

So decidedly we’d sit
Ruling your Matriarchy
All I would do
Is what can make you happy.

Music (I’m an old guy now)

So it has come to pass that I’ve become an old guy when it comes to music. Sure, I like some of the new stuff coming out, but I’m getting more ingrained into the older stuff.

I am a fan of Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, and Rammstein. But I’m finding myself more and more pissed off at the younger and younger crowds of people who know their bigger hits.

I hear someone singing along to Smells Like Teen Spirit, and think, “Overplayed, let’s hear Negative Creep.” Closer? How about Head Like A Hole? Du Hast? Weißes Fleisch..

That’s the thing that pissed me off the most. I heard a guy who couldn’t be more than 5 years older than the song whistling Du Hast.

I don’t know why exactly it pissed me off, but it just struck a fiber in my being that made me quiver with a thread of hate. An “I want to punch this kid” feeling.

But I guess it’s all turnabout in a way. One of my favorite songs by Nirvana is a cover: The Man Who Sold the World. It’s originally by David Bowie…

So, I just went to the bathroom. Not something you want to read in a tumblr post, but, as I was washing up and leaving, I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. A knowing I saw in my own eyes that said I’m on the right path. Its something I’ve never seen in myself before. I’m not sure what one thing I saw was going right, but I’m sure there was something. I’m not a religious person, but I think I can now understand how religious people feel.


FML. Fuck My Life. That phrase seems to be circulating around social media at an alarming pace. Really, what does it mean?

From what I gather, people say it in disappointment of random daily events that just happen to occur to them at that particular moment. It never appears to be anything of monumental occurrence, but it’s always made out as it is.

So your life isn’t going how you planed? Join the club. Or, alternatively, welcome to life in general. Sure there’s ups and downs every day, but don’t make a spectacle of your woes unless there’s a serious concern.

“Oh no, they ran out of my flavor of ice cream at my local ice cream shop and I needed just that to make my day, FML.” “My xbox lost connection to the internet and cost me that achievement I was trying to get, FML.” “My team only got second place in the tournament when our parents told is we were the best, FML.”

Find another flavor you like, start your progress over, and shut up about your damn team. There’s always going to be someone better.

If you don’t like my “go fuck yourself” standpoint, go fuck yourself. Another option is: look at life and your problems as they would be in the past.

Thirty years ago, a diagnosis of HIV or AIDS was a death sentence. Somewhere from 3 to 10 years of life max.

Fifty years ago, was the middle of the cold war, the Cuban Missile Crisis. If the communists decided to attack, you would probably be dead already.

One hundred years ago… “Well, the news might not have gotten to you yet, but this war is over.”

In essence, what I’m saying is, you’ve got it good compared to most of all the other people who have come before you. Be glad for what advancements you have.

I never will use the phrase “fuck my life” for many reasons. These were but a few. But mainly, I look at my life and am thankful for my experiences, for they make me who I am today.

Here I am, two weeks before school starts. I want to think positively, but I’m focussing on negative right now.

All I can think about is how I’m so used to a certain style of working, and that when I get out of school, everything’s going to change.

I should try to think about how my life can be better and how it’ll change once I’m done with school.

But I keep finding myself thinking about how everything I know is coming to an end.

It’s scary.


In the last couple months, I’ve found that what we call friendship can be a volatile thing.

As of the advent of facebook, we tend to call a lot of people “friends”. In reality, they are family, real friends, and people we know.

The family are mostly good people (I’m guessing there’s actually bad families out there.{I’m not trying to be nice, my family are really productive members of society. [Believe me, it makes writing about them difficult (difficult=boring)]})(They probably won’t like being called boring). The friends are the family you choose. And then, there’s the people we know.

The “people we know” should not be chosen as “friends”. They tend to disrupt daily life, dispute real friendships, and counteract positive things in your life.

Whenever you meet a new person, there should always be a boundary that you don’t cross until you’ve determined that they’re responsible and worthy enough to join the ranks of your family(both real and “friend family”)

One weird ass dream

So this whole thing started off with me riding around with Eugene Mirman. I forget who was driving. We turned off the road into what in real life is a CVS, but in my dream became this long strip mall style bar with a mini golf course behind it. We get out of the car to play, and this large insect is buzzing around. Eugene looks scared. It lands on my right shoulder and sits for a while before ultimately stinging me.

Days pass and I wind up back at my parents house. For some reason, most of my mom’s side of the family is there. Everyone takes a look at the sting and says it’s something different. One suggestion was it’s a Venus Fly Trap growing out of the wound, another was it’s some sort of poisonous swamp creature from a horror film.

After a while, I start to watch the wound area and find tentacles pushing out of the pores in my skin. I see a large metal ring under it all. Feeling the tentacles start to wrap around my throat from the inside, I take action. Swiftly, I rip open my shoulder and pull on the now massive metal ring. As I pull, the creature is revealed to be an odd hybrid metal/flesh jellyfish. It flops to the ground and eventually dies, my family in shock at the whole scene.
That was probably one of the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had.

And I’m going to go back to bed now.


In the last week, contraception has become a renewed political issue. I’m not 100% sure why this has become such a heated topic.

In my opinion, contraception is a very good thing for society. With current problems like homelessness, unemployment, and over population, we need a solution.

There are only 3 main solutions I can see at the moment: World War 3; colonization of other planets; and limiting population.

All 3 are extremes in their own right, but in the limited resources we have, only one can be used properly.

World War 3: In this option, we take on major political opponents and try to wipe them out in the most efficient fashion possible. In the world of today, with the technology we have, we really don’t need that many foot soldiers.

-A large portion of missions can be performed with drones piloted by soldiers in remote locations. So, not very cost effective and a medium chance of gaining resources.

Colonization of other planets: Here, we get to explore the cosmos. A very fun idea. We’ve looked to the stars for intellectual gain for centuries. Space is a place of wonder, intrigue, and possibly endless opportunities.

-But as much as the media has hyped previous space travel, it has been a very publicly unsupported issue. That, along with the prohibitively high cost, and the not so great record of survival of space travel, makes new “Earths” a high concern.

Contraception: Ah, here’s where morality typically comes into play. Morality should have come in two points ago, but apparently isn’t an issue until now.

-Is it moral for a woman to have intercourse and not conceive? Yes, I think it’s ok. At the very least it’s a concern of the human species surviving. At the most, it’s an issue of health.

-Before modern medicine, there was a high chance that a woman would die during childbirth. Thus, a wife would only have one child. Given modern medical treatment, a woman could have multiple children. To the point where she was giving birth once a year to at least one child, if not many.

This brings me to my point. We should look at this issue, and all others, as a survival of the species issue. Less equals more. Also, the opposite. I’m not saying kill some kids, but hold back on making them.

Contraception is an easy, cost effective way of making sure we can all live through the next decade less impoverished.

Some people don’t want kids. Some people want many kids. Let’s try to keep an even middle ground.

That’s all I’m saying, let’s have a nice middle ground. And help everyone survive and thrive…

Communication these days

A long time ago, I had an account on World of Warcraft. I only played for about 3 months. But outside of my small group for friends, everyone was hostile. No one helped any stranger in anything.

WoW had been around for 3 or 4 years at that point. Everyone who had played for a while knew how things worked and seemed to expect new players to get it right away.

I noticed a similar problem in social media. In this way, I am also guilty of not wanting to help and being frustrated at new people.

In every type of online communication and gaming there seems to be problems like this. I’ve lost friends on facebook because of minor arguments that, if done in person, would have lasted 10 minutes and gotten resolved. Everyone would be friends again. Online, a minor problem like that can get you ostracized for life. “*click* You’re out of my life forever”.

Despite what some people believe, we have become a much less violent society over the last couple centuries. It seems to me that people have become more verbally violent over more minor issues.

It isn’t the fault of violent video games or social media in general, but the ability to completely avoid other people and let these angers fester.

We need to slow down our communication and actually work problems out. Not avoid and block and unfriend people who occasionally irk us.

Sure, we may disagree on a few ideas, but we can still be friendly to each other.

And on that note, if you do have a problem with someone, don’t use racial epithets or slurs on sexuality. It shows your lack of intelligence and unwillingness to be a part of society.

To quote Alex Winter as Bill from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure :
“Be excellent to each other.”

A letter to Mayhem (A.K.A. My MMA experience)

Up until two years ago, I didn’t think much of MMA. Two dudes beating the crap out of each other for fun and/or money. It seemed barbaric as the days of Roman Gladiators.

Then a friend introduced my to Bully Beatdown. In 30 minutes, I found the only person in the world as crazy as me (one crazy step to the side is Lady Gaga, who I love), and a nice way to deal with assholes and douchebags. I really wish that show had been around when I was in my late teens. I’d have sent you a few guys to beatdown.

And so my foray into MMA began. And, of course, Jason Mayhem Miller became the first fighter I would follow.

Earlier this year, I was drunk and bored watching either Manswers or 1000 Ways to Die on Spike and a commercial came on. I recognized you, and then thought “Who the fuck is this Bisping guy?”

A few weeks passed and TUF 14 began. I immediately latched onto Team Mayhem.

After the first episode, I chose who I wanted to win: Brutal Johnny Bedford. Found out he was on twitter and, ding, he has a new follower, and I’m following 2 MMA fighters.

We all know how the season went. Bedford fighting and winning his way into the semi-finals. Then, a discouraging left hook out of nowhere sent him to the floor. A few hammerfists from his opponent, and it was over. My heart sank.

In each episode, the tension between Mayhem and this Bisping fucker escalated, sometimes in hilarious ways. Each hating the other more and more.

Last night was the finale. And, wait, Bedford’s got a match? Sweet! I get to see him rule the cage again. And he did. Beautifully.

A few more matches. A couple of insane wins and then, the Main Event: Mayhem vs. Bisping. If I was a judge, the first round went to Mayhem with great attacks, a takedown and a lot of great defense. Second round starts and Bisping doesn’t run off after his jabs as much as he used to.

All of a sudden, Bisping has Mayhem against the cage and is pounding him. Bisping backs off for a second and Mayhem literally asks for a few more punches. This dude is fucking crazy.

Mayhem started getting tired. He had so much energy early on, it just seemed to fall away after the first round. And the round wore on.

Sadly, the fight went to Bisping in a TKO. Mayhem tried to be a bully and got beatdown.

After the decision, they shook hands, showed respect to each other and went to their corners.

I now believe MMA is truly a gentleman’s sport. Some of these guys may hate each other, but they respect each other’s skills.

After all that, I will always be a Mayhem Monkey and a Bedford fan.